{"id":3734,"date":"2011-10-28T11:17:18","date_gmt":"2011-10-28T15:17:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mondomark.com\/wordpress\/?p=2519"},"modified":"2011-10-28T11:17:18","modified_gmt":"2011-10-28T15:17:18","slug":"a-%e2%80%9clucartive%e2%80%9d-offer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kqek.com\/mobile\/?p=3734","title":{"rendered":"A \u201cLucartive\u201d Offer"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I am Bronzonious! Master of Time-bending! I glide through space with the speed of polyester!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

This morning I found an email from some pinhead in Malaysia presenting a \u201clucartive\u201d offer \u201cto the tune of Forty-Eight Million\u201d Euros.<\/p>\n

The header actually began with a \u201cRE\u201d which presumed I responded to a prior request for more info regarding this lucartive deal, but sadly, I had not, because I\u2019m wholly unfamiliar with the concept of being enticed by a lucariously fabulous offer to do nothing in exchange of a 60% cut of 48 Billion Euros, which I\u2019ve frankly no idea what to do with.<\/p>\n

I mean, I\u2019d like to own a car again, and move to a large home that\u2019s soundproofed to code and isn\u2019t affected by the bizarre fall tide of wandering maggots at 12:30am<\/a>, but there\u2019s something rather suspicious when some dude who purports to be the Executive Director of some bank in a country I\u2019ve never visited says he has monies bigger than a Province\u2019s annual GDP he\u2019s willing to split for no apparent reason.<\/p>\n

Maybe it\u2019s the mercury in retrograde, or a full moon; or perhaps, when an individual like this sudden & unexpected benefactor is in a state of lucaria, someone – why, anyone \u2013 is hand-picked from the soon-to-be 7 billion<\/a> that inhabit this orb. It could\u2019ve been you, but instead, it was me, which means I must be more special than you, otherwise why would I be graced with odds higher than being struck by lightning while sleeping on a cruise ship at the precise moment I\u2019m dreaming of the colour blue, and a tarantula is about to pinch my big toe with a pair of wooden soup spoons?<\/p>\n

It is possible that lucaria is more than a state of bliss and wonder; maybe it\u2019s the ultimate<\/em> state of bliss, directly attributed to the act of magnanimous giving; or perhaps it\u2019s like a chain letter, where he gives, I receive, and I in turn do the 40\/60 split in your favour, too, which you\u2019re obliged to follow, because karmically, you\u2019ve been chosen to lucariously share in the wealth for doing absolutely nothing. Why, it almost sounds ludicrous!<\/p>\n

Of course, if that logic is followed to the letter, at some point the end-user will get a 60\/40 split of nothing, which means he or she will lose, which begs the question: If lucaria is directly linked to the act of giving, but one receives absolutely nothing except stale air or a jellybean with a boot print, is \u2018nothing\u2019 still of symbolic moral value, or have you essentially been screwed out of good karmic lucaria?<\/p>\n

Feeling a bit lucarious myself, I feel this information is too wondrous to keep in selfish hands, so I\u2019ve chosen to share the wealth of knowledge, and copy & paste the precise words of this lucarious soul.<\/p>\n

Maybe you know him, or maybe you too have received a similar offer, although if we\u2019ve both been chosen, then someone is indeed lying, and you\u2019re either taking my 60% of 48 Billion Euros, or I\u2019m taking yours, which means we\u2019ll have to engage in a regulated game of knifey-spoony<\/a> to declare a winner.<\/p>\n

Until then, here is the spam sent by some schmuck who failed to use spell-check for the header, a blunder that immediately signals to anyone that those infamous, bogus emails of Great Financial Gains from Nigeria are now being replaced by random email offers of 40 Billion Euros, a grand, delusional sum floating around the internet, now that Gaddafi\u2019s son Moatassem-Billah is somewhere feeding desert snakes and rolling spiders in the Sahara with his Pop-pop.<\/p>\n

If you receive this email from said pinhead, will you be lured by the dream of swimming in a sea of happiness with lucariously joyous dolphins, or will you hit the delete key?<\/p>\n

This dose of satirical silliness is sponsored by Luca Lucariosa, inventor of Luca-Cola, the Wheat-based drink that\u2019s taking over the world with its karmically beneficial sweetness.<\/p>\n

.<\/span><\/p>\n

.<\/span><\/p>\n

Mark R. Hasan<\/strong>, Editor<\/p>\n

KQEK.com <\/strong>( Main Site<\/a> \/ Mobile Site<\/a> )<\/p>\n

.<\/span><\/p>\n

.<\/span><\/p>\n

Header – Re: Lucartive Offer<\/p>\n

Good Day,<\/p>\n

I am Majid Bin Mohamad, Executive Director of Al Rajhi Bank Malaysia.<\/p>\n

I have a lucrative business proposal for you in the tune of Forty-Eight Million EUR,<\/p>\n

after successful transfer. The said funds belong to late Moatassem-Billah Gaddafi<\/p>\n

who was killed during Libya conflict 2011. He was also the son of late president Gaddafi of Libya<\/p>\n

and the National Security Advisor of Libya.<\/p>\n

We shall share in the ratio of forty for you and sixty for me.<\/p>\n

Please reply for more details if interested<\/p>\n

Best Regard<\/p>\n

Majid Bin Mohamad<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ever found an email in your box offering 60% of 48 Billion Euros for simply being swell you? Well, it’s probably coming, as detailed in this satirical Editor’s Blog of something genuinely annoying.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[842,4212],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p8nuyW-Ye","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kqek.com\/mobile\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3734"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kqek.com\/mobile\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kqek.com\/mobile\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kqek.com\/mobile\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kqek.com\/mobile\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3734"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/kqek.com\/mobile\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3734\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kqek.com\/mobile\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3734"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kqek.com\/mobile\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3734"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kqek.com\/mobile\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3734"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}