Die Hard 5, aka ‘A Good Reason to Quit Now’

June 13, 2013 | By

Director John Moore actually cuts away from this scene and never returns. Is he insane, or just stupid?

When the IMDB made available a teaser trailer for A Good Day to Die Hard [M], my first reaction was ‘They made a 5th film? WHY?’

The film premiered, was peed on by most critics, and vanished until its rather speedy home video release, and I’ve written a lengthy review of this massive disappointment that’s such an insult to the franchise’s fans, as well as action fans deserving some semblance of a coherent plot. This isn’t to say action films are genetically predisposed to being logical and coherent, but if you blow more than what, $100 million on a franchise entry starring costly Bruce Willis, the least you can do (that’s you, Fox) is ensure the script that is greenlit for production isn’t utter shit.

Director John Moore delivers a massive quotient of car destruction and gunfire, but why he chose a visual style 20 years out of date is a mystery. The only genuine elements that reveal true craftsmanship are the car chase through Moscow, the editor who made sense of Moore’s messy camera work, and composer Marco Beltrami who wrote one of the best action scores [M] in recent years. It pays homage to Michael Kamen’s DH scores, some Beethoven, and maybe some Goldsmithian boom matter.

The CD is never far from my reach, and if things click this week, I should have finished an interview with Beltrami, of which material regarding the upcoming World War Z will appear in Rue Morgue, and the full podcast will appear at Big Head Amusements soon after.

I had to take a small pause between writing those long reviews because a) I had some camera tests to do, and edit the footage into demo material (all of which will be uploaded shortly), and b) my frozen shoulder became plural: while the left side is slowly mending, the right side’s ongoing workload of doing its own thing + compensating for the left side’s lethargy and limited range has taken a small toll.

Frozen shoulder works like this: you sleep until pain wakes you up (4.5 hours), maybe slap ice packs on the arms if the pain’s severe, get mobile to loosen the muscles, work in some specific exercises, add ice to stop inflammation, get on with the day, and buffer the work load / pain level / sleep deprivation with rest breaks, some medicine, and a steady diet of protein to build up the muscles that have literally gone limp. Twice a week there’s physio which isn’t covered by OHIP because I’m not under 18 / nor over 65 / nor on welfare [OHIP’s exclusions merely encourage people to avoid rehab and cost the system more, not less], and usually the soreness from therapy yields one nasty pain throng the morning after.

However, I can reach upper shelves to get at the oatmeal tin, and my arms actually look fit. The absurdity lies in the fact part of each arm is in fact fit, while other areas – triceps, deltoids – are a mess. If you suddenly reach for a fallen object, the pain that runs through either arm is insane, and it takes about half a minute before you can move the arm, wiggle fingers, and stop swearing profusely.

Lesson to all: sleep properly, exercise daily, and if you’ve been doing repetitive tasks at a specific job for 12+ years, find alternatives or you’ll be fucked, and feel 80.

There is nothing amusing about seniors moving their arms and legs to Vera Lynn or swimming with floral skull caps. If you don’t use specific muscles, they wither; and to get them back is an ordeal because of something called The Wall of Supreme Pain that you have to push through. My coping lingo of late are variations of fuck, Jesus Fucking Christ, and Ow-ow-ow!

Coming next: a podcast with Rogue’s composer Jeff Toyne, and reviews of Those Magnificent Men in Their Flying Machines on Blu from Twilight Time, plus the sequel Those Daring Young Men in Their Jaunty Jalopies from Fox.



Mark R. Hasan, Editor
KQEK.com ( Main Site / Mobile Site )

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